I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
