In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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