Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
