hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize