i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
