I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
