I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
