when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
