Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
