More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
