I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
