I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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