I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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