Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
