I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
