Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
