So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
