you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
