my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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