My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
