my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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