my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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