You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
