So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
