genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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