super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I deserve this hangover.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
