May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
