I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
