Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
