"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
