she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
