Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
