like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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