my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
