there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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