Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
