So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
