and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
