it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
