Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize