and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
