so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
