Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
