tell your sister to shave her snatch
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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