Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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