so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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