I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
