so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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