We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
