I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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