she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
