So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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