I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
