Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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(319): View more from Iowa

By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

Fav 14 5638 1446
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

Fav 18 10393 1269
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(252): View more from North Carolina

We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it

Fav 3 1860 914
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(250): View more from British Columbia

At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.

Fav 7 1059 2523
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(801): View more from Utah

When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.

Fav 8 697 1861
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(708): View more from Illinois

All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.

Fav 5 971 807
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok

Fav 2 532 351
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?

(651): View more from Minnesota

I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'

Fav 0 58 4
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