She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
