You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
