Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
