definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
