I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
