It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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