he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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