Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i came on her dog
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
