70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
