He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
