you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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