They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize