I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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