My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
