I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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