I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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