she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
