Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
