i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize