Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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