do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
