dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
