Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
