my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
