i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
