Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
