I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
