Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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