Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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