dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
