Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
