A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
