My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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