Umm I'm too high to move.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just invented taco cereal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
