yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
