im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
