I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
