I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
