Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
