I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
