I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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