addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish you could order shots online.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
