Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize