i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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