My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
