sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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