Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
