Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
