I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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